Managing the Dark Side – The Charming Manipulator!

Posted by Amanda Whiteford

We all love a charming rogue on TV, but how do you manage one in your team? Here’s how.

There’s an old saying ‘a little charm goes a long way’- how true. Charming, gracious behaviour often seems in short supply in the fast-moving, ‘give it to me now’ world we live in. Genuine charm can soothe a tense situation, make people feel they have really been heard and had their concerns taken seriously, and I’m sure saved many a negotiation from ending in a stalemate.

People in our team who know how to deploy charm make excellent ambassadors for our work and organisation, whether with regulators, suppliers, clients or co-workers. They make a strong first impression on others; persuasive, confident, composed and definitely up for a challenge! They often work in Sales roles – for obvious reasons.

Can such an asset ever be over-used though? Yes – there is a danger that in their keenness to be seen as charming, fun-loving and able to solve any problem, rules may be casually overlooked, risks taken that aren’t necessary but which add to the excitement of a project and mistakes overlooked or disregarded in the belief that people will forgive them anything!

All this may mean, at an extreme level, charming people leaving a trail of risk-taking and chaos in their wake. They may leave others feeling manipulated and used, or that their concerns are somehow ridiculous. Lies may even be used to achieve the desired results with a lack of accompanying guilt if ever detected.

I once worked with a manager who could turn on the charm. When he did, others felt promises had been casually set aside, that they had been wrong-footed into supporting his schemes, and there was a sense that no one knew exactly what he felt about key issues and whether in turn the support he had promised would actually be delivered.

So, if you are managing an inveterate charmer how might you help them keep this under control?

1. Ask them for a detailed risk analysis before agreeing to any proposals – have they really thought through what could happen? Have they any realistic contingency plans? If they claim to have support elsewhere in the organisation, check it out.


2. Use 360 feedback to open a discussion around influencing, honesty and integrity and where the boundaries lie. Discuss how they could build a reputation as someone with integrity and how this will support their career.


3. Ask them to share their plans for handling a difficult meeting so you can see what preparation has been done – rather than their usual ‘I’ll just wing it’ approach. The next time they make a mistake get them to analyse it and see what lessons they’ve learned. Don’t let them talk their way out of it!


4. It’s important to build our influencing skills – and not our ability to manipulate or deceive others. Knowing the boundaries and being held to them will be an important lesson for your Charmers and a good test of your management skills.

If you would like to know more about career derailers talk to Talent and Potential about this series and the Hogan Development Survey psychometric which can be used for both recruitment and development.