Don’t let your team’s emotions disguise their talents!
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Emotions are what colour our world, without them we’d all effectively behave like robots (though maybe AI will change all that!) but if our emotions get out of hand they can easily derail our careers and disguise our talents. If you are concerned this may be true for one of your team then here’s how to help them manage those emotions effectively.
First of all, what emotion is your team member displaying? Anger? Frustration? Impatience? Cynicism? Whatever it is, and however well justified, displaying our emotions too vehemently can be detrimental to our career progression as others find us too difficult, challenging or wearying to manage! So, helping your team member to actively manage their emotions will help them develop their career more successfully. What are your best options?
Coaching
Put aside time to tell them what you’ve seen them doing and what the impact of their behaviour has been on their colleagues. Their first responsibility is to understand and acknowledge when their emotions have got the better of them. Once they’ve accepted this feedback, they’ll be able to take ownership and you’ll be able to help them move on to considering what emotional management techniques they might try using.
360 Feedback
What if they appear reluctant to accept your feedback or appear not to be giving it serious consideration? Then asking them to seek feedback from colleagues and peers will be useful. As their manager, you can ask them to either take an internal 360 questionnaire the organisation already uses or get them to design something themselves using the many online tools available. Make sure you see the questions and agree on the format before it goes out and review the results with them. If appropriate, link the questionnaire to any career aspirations they have. For example, if they aspire to be a manager, make sure some questions focus on the skills managers need to be successful in supporting, developing and motivating others, like listening, coaching and delegating.
Development Plans
Let’s suppose they readily acknowledge they struggle to control their emotions, in this case move the conversation on to what the triggers are for them. Do they struggle in certain situations, with particular characters, or only when feeling under pressure? By identifying their trigger points you’ll be able to help them choose some suitable management techniques to try. This could range from how they prepare for meetings generally or meetings with particular characters, to how they deal with stress, or how to develop their listening skills so they find people or situations easier to understand. Whatever the solutions discussed, make sure your team member writes a positive development plan about what they are going to do, when they will do it, how they will reflect on what happens as a result of the change and, assuming the change is positive, how they will embed this new behaviour. Then make sure to hold them to account by regularly reviewing their progress and the sustainability of the improvement made.
Career Aspirations
Help your team member to value their strengths and understand and acknowledge their weaknesses. No one is perfect, managing our weaknesses so they don’t derail our careers is the key! So, ensure they understand how and why a lack of emotional control might curtail or derail their careers, even to the point where their current aspirations may, on reflection, be unrealistic. For example, someone who has difficulty remaining patient with others less intellectually capable than themselves is unlikely to be successful and happy in a role which demands a great deal of diplomacy and negotiation skills. If they realise that their difficulty in controlling their emotions doesn’t sit easily with their current career aspirations help them find other roles which play readily to their strengths, allowing them to use their talents to the full.
TAKE AWAY
We can all struggle to control our emotions from time to time, but when this struggle becomes a regular feature of our behaviour at work it’s time to take action. Many talented people fail to achieve all they might because the ‘price’ of working with them is eventually deemed too high. Help your team members avoid this trap by giving them honest, constructive and timely feedback which they can use to change their approach and develop their full potential.