Acting as a mentor – Part 2: Structuring a Mentoring Session
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Agreeing to become a mentor is the easy part. Believe it or not, when HR professionals try to get mentoring programmes off the ground, one of the most vexing problems is the “matching” process. More than once I’ve heard the analogy of marriage used to describe trying to bring together a mentor and mentee and, on the converse side, the parting of a failed mentoring relationships is referred to as the “divorce” process!
From a personal perspective, I very rarely agree to a long term mentoring relationship unless it has occurred naturally. I find it’s much easier to pick an initial issue and agree to explore it together for 3-4 months, progressing onto the “next thing” if it works out or both moving painlessly on having achieved what we set out to do if it doesn’t.
That said, however you ended up in a mentoring situation, the most difficult elements are, “how do I get to know them?” and secondly “how do I structure the session to get value for them?”
Tip One – Firstly, get to know them.
The first thing I always ask for is their CV as it reveals so much about them and what they see as important. I’ll also often reciprocate by sending them my own. This is helpful for a couple of reasons. First, it’s often helpful for them to see other CVs as part of understanding different ways of presenting themselves on paper. Secondly, it will help them to know the kind of questions they can ask, and the areas where they are going to get value from me. To support this process, I enjoy using different tools – for example, 360-degree feedback and personality instruments – to get more information (if you are trained and have a copy of our strengths tool – this would be a great place to start).
Tip Two – Make sure that they prepare too.
For any mentoring session, there is a temptation to let the mentee just turn up and to take things as they come. Personally, I don’t think that they will value you or your time if they think that way right from the start. And, of course, you’ll get through more if they have done some pre-thinking. So, for your first session, ask them to consider:
- Their experience of mentoring to date – have they been mentored before and do they feel positive about it? (This will help you know what you’re up against!)
- What they see as their strengths and their weaknesses;
- What key issues they are facing right now – e.g. day-to-day in their career etc.;
- What goals they have at work or personally – and which are the priority ones;
- What are they hoping to get out of your time together?
As for the mentoring session itself, bear in mind that no two sessions look the same. That said, each of them have key elements and patterns that are worth remembering. For example:
Building rapport – it’s important to spend some time establishing the relationship rather than just diving into the conversations – even if it’s just about their Christmas or how a mutual contact is doing;
Agree a focus for the session – if you know what that is at the start, great, but it’s not always the case. Sometimes you need to start more broadly, e.g. “how have things been since we last met” or “what challenges do you have at the moment?” As the answers start to flow, the focus or objective of the session will start to become obvious;
Get brought back up to speed – find out what they’ve done since the last time you met. Were there some actions they were expected to take, and did they take them?
Spend time listening to them – allow them to get everything that’s concerning them out.
Explore with them. Don’t come to the issue that they want to discuss with pre-prepared answers. By listening you can find out what they have already tried and you can start to get lots of options on the table, which you can narrow down into action points.
Review, decide, action – once you’ve narrowed down to the option that they want to focus on, help them to get clear about next steps.
The Takeaway
When it comes to mentoring, it’s important to bring a structured approach to the sessions – for both the mentee and yourself. Not only will it help you feel less exposed as the mentor, but will ensure the mentee gets the most from your time together.