Informal Development: Coaching When You Don’t Think You’re A Coach

Posted by Sarah Hobbs

As a line manager I really struggled to see myself as a coach. When I thought of a “coach” I thought of somebody like Alex Ferguson (who’s seen as a kind of coach but is actually the manager) or various famed mystical gurus of coaching, and I couldn’t see myself in that light.

So for a long time as a manager I avoided coaching – or what I perceived coaching to be (which was sitting down with someone with a clever model and “properly” coaching them) – but over time I got my head around what coaching actually was, and how a manager can use it to informally develop their team.

With that in mind I’d like to share six things with you that I’ve realised coaching is and isn’t –

Coaching is about asking good questions. When I was first taught to coach I was told to have “killer questions”, the thought of which terrified me really. It made me think “What if my questions aren’t good enough?” This notion that there are perfect questions you can ask that will unlock the developmental secrets of someone’s heart and psyche left me feeling inadequate.

  Until I realised that simple questions work!  

One of the reasons we very deliberately developed our tools with lots of simple questions in them is that being a good coach stems from being able to ask very simple questions that get to the heart of the issues the person is trying to deal with. And for those of you who have been on our programmes you will know what some of those questions are! In general, the best questions are short, and very honest. Often when unlocking someone’s ability to coach, the key is to say “What would you really like to ask them?” – and then use that! If you want to keep people talking, then you may just need a simple “That’s interesting, tell me more about that” or “Is there anything else you’ve been thinking about?”

Coaching is about listening more than you speak. This is probably the biggest issue that people have to overcome. We are busy, proactive managers who are used to providing solutions. When someone tells us what the problem is we immediately want to tell them how to sort it out. Part of good coaching is knowing that sometimes you do just have to let them talk and figure it out and avoid leaping in with a solution. But that said….

Coaching isn’t about a pathological refusal to give anyone an answer. Sometimes it’s right to keep asking simple questions to help someone think through the issue they’re facing. But sometimes it’s also right to jump in with your opinion – particularly if you’re their manager and have a legitimate view on what’s being said or what’s being talked about. This is the difference between non-directive and directive coaching. Sometimes the person has existing knowledge that you can help them to marshal in order to work out the answer for themselves – this learning that builds on existing skills is very likely to stick. Sometimes they don’t have existing knowledge – in which case they need new information or a clear challenge to move forward. Following the ‘Aha!’ moment, you can help them pick up control of the HOW – how to take action or move the situation forward.

Coaching isn’t all about the model. Early on when learning to coach, I found it hard to follow one of the official coaching models. I’m someone who finds it quite difficult to relate to models in general – unfortunately they sometimes smack of HR cleverness – so I boiled it down to it being a really simple process: 1) What’s the issue someone is facing, 2) What are some of the things they could do about it, 3) What will they do about it, and 4) How exactly are they going to do it? This is a logical process that every manager can guide people through.

Coaching needs to include a plan with follow-up. The best coaching conversations get great information and involve taking the time for serious thinking. But somewhere along the line they need to result in defined action that takes place, resulting in the person becoming more skilled and knowledgeable.

Coaching isn’t the right solution for all development. Coaching works really, really well when it’s used for the right purpose. If someone is trying to work though an issue or work out how they might tackle a job or situation, coaching is perfect. Sometimes, usually where there is a distinct right or wrong way of doing something or way of approaching it, coaching isn’t the right approach.

The Takeaway