Handling unrealistic expectations
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It’s quite common for managers to come across people with unrealistic career expectations. In fact, if you think about it you probably have some unrealistic expectations yourself (and would no doubt be mortified if you thought your boss was reading this article with you in mind!).
In this article, my aim is not to step on anybody’s dreams (because I actually believe that with commitment, extraordinary things are possible) but just to recognise that, for some people – in their current situation, current team or at this current time – there are things working against them, which will make it hard to achieve their career expectations.
With that in mind, how do you help to manage people’s expectations appropriately?
- Start in the right place
Firstly, make sure that the problem isn’t your attitude towards the person. Ask yourself whether their ambition is objectively unrealistic, or if part of the problem is that there is bad chemistry between the two of you. Every manager has an Achilles heel – one type of person they find really hard to manage. If this person drives you mad – admit it! You need to take a step back, take time out to list their positives and get into the right frame of mind before you can genuinely try to help. Or you may need to bring in someone with a fresh view, or even consider whether a move to a different manager and team might help to unlock the problem. One thing is for sure; if you have an overall negative view of someone, they will know it; and they will therefore resist your views – because their esteem would be crushed if they thought of themselves in the way you do.
Managing someone’s expectations can be a difficult thing – but it’s important that you don’t put it off. We often resist doing the things that could end up difficult or confrontational, but even if you know there might be an unhappy outcome – make sure that you don’t avoid, or water down, what you need to do. - Remember who you’re working with
Sometimes we get so focused on giving someone feedback that they might not be happy that we get caught up in “techniques” and “arguments” and how we’re going to persuade them we’re “right”. We forget that they’re a person who, if they’ve really got their heart set on something, will find what we’ve got to say really difficult. They’re not necessarily resisting because they’ve got the wrong attitude, it’s just that you’re challenging one of the hopes they hold dear. And bear in mind, you may find when you speak to them that someone in the past has encouraged their unrealistic expectation.
So take time to consider if their expectation is unrealistic now, or unrealistic forever, and speak to the person accordingly. - Unpack the expectation
If they want to achieve their expectation, and they want to explore and think about it, you need to put the onus on them to show why it’s realistic. Challenge them to consider the evidence for why it is possible – or whether it’s just that there’s a wild optimism, and they need to consider whether their plans would realistically work?
I often find that people have an unrealistic expectation because they’ve never thought about the practicality of doing the thing they’d love to do – and sometimes it is more difficult than they imagine. You might get them to shadow someone in the role they aspire to – so that they actually see what they would have to do. Or do some of the travelling the job entails. Or find out about the last successful candidate for that role – what qualifications and results did they have?
Ask them to think about the barriers that might stop them reaching their goal, and how they could overcome these. For example, is their location, level of expertise, results delivered or reputation within the business going to be a challenge? Let them know that they could reach their expectations, but they’re going to face some tough challenges, which they need to plan – and act – to overcome. - Gain clarity on readiness
Building on the last point, starting to unpack the expectation helps people to understand the full implications of what they’re trying to do. This helps them work out if they’re ready now, or if they need to “get ready” to move towards their expectation.
360-degree feedback is a great tool to understand their readiness. It can be a real eye-opener that will give them insight into how other people view their expectations. If that type of tool is not available, encourage them to talk to other people and to gain their feedback directly. They need to build up a solid understanding of how their current achievements match up with what HR or the recruiting manager would be looking for in a successful candidate. How does their CV compare? - What can we do going forwards?
If the person is dead set on trying to achieve their hopes and expectations, there are some things that they can do. Once they have investigated the role they seek and have understood some of the gaps between where they are now and where they need to be, they need a plan. One of the most important things they can do right now is to be really clear about the challenges and have a clear plan to overcome these. They need to understand the costs and sacrifices (both within the business and at home) they’ll have to make to overcome them. Sometimes it takes time for someone to come around to a more realistic understanding of what they can achieve. At this stage, people may be much more willing to consider other possibilities than when it was just your view against theirs. - Continue to monitor
Laying out their expectations in a blaze of enthusiasm is one thing, but the acid test is whether they take action to achieve it. Keep an eye on their behaviour to see whether they’re going over and above to move towards their dream (which means they’re more likely to be willing to do what it takes to reach it). If they’re not really taking action, it means they’re not that serious about it. And consider – are there other alternatives that would suit their skills and circumstances better? Could they enrich their current job, or build a new position? If one dream fades, can they be inspired by another idea?
Had I the heaven’s embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light;
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
The Cloths of Heaven, W.B. Yeats