Nurturing can be such a drain
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It’s unfortunate that sometimes the things we’re good at are not always the things we most enjoy. When we run our Talent Manager programmes, one of the most common strengths many people tell us that they are good at, but find drains them is that of nurturing – taking time to patiently support people, to listen and to show others appreciation and to develop them. If this is the case for you – or for people you manage – here’s how to nurture people without becoming demotivated.
- Be clear that when you’ve done a lot of nurturing you’re going to need to recharge.
First of all, don’t schedule a big chunk of nurturing work with people all at the same time. It might be better to hold 1 career conversation per week, than try to get them all done in a couple of days. Also, think about how you will recharge. This usually involves picking up a type of work that energises you, and that you really enjoy. Using your best strengths will put you in a great mood! - Are there particular kinds of nurturing you find draining?
Sometimes people like one kind of nurturing but not another. Do you like nurturing ambitious people – even if they are challenging and a bit bull-headed? Or do you prefer building the confidence of new starters who may be a bit nervous? Do you like shifting people’s performance by training them to be self-sufficient – but hate small talk and chit chat about what people did at the weekend? Analyse the nurturing you dislike, and see if there is a pattern. Is there a way round doing the nurturing you dislike? For example, can you get people in the team to organise socials, rather than feeling you need to do it? - Do you feel obliged to nurture everyone – even the ‘squeaky wheels’?
Nurturing some people pays dividends – it really improves their performance. On the other hand, some people are ‘energy drains’. No matter how you nurture them, it’s never enough. Invest your energy where it will have most impact. Give yourself a licence to cut short prolonged complaining! - Pair up to nurture people.
One of the best ways to avoid drain from any skill is to share the load with another person. Is there someone on your team with a natural nurturing instinct? Think of ways they can share the spotlight and pick up some of the load. Nurturing doesn’t always have to be 1-to-1 – it can be good to work with someone on a project to ensure people feel supported. Nurturing doesn’t always have to be the job of one person. - Think about team make-up.
Is the team mainly composed of new people or people who are underperforming? Is there a major change that requires that people develop fast? If so it’s likely that there will be a lot of nurturing to do. For yourself, be wary of going into this kind of situation – make sure you have people in the team who’ll support you. If you have managers working for you who find nurturing draining but have a demanding team – consider re-balancing their team to include more experienced team members or high performers. - Look below the surface.
When people in your team stand out as good at nurturing – find out whether they find it draining. Are you always giving them the coaching tasks such as welcoming new hires or training new starters – rather than sharing these out more widely? - Be aware of the issue and let them know that you have spotted it.
When you know that nurturing people drains someone who works for you – make sure you ask questions about how they’re doing in terms of supporting and developing people, when you meet them for their 1-2-1s. That way you can quickly identify if it’s draining them too much. And offer praise and recognition, so that they know you appreciate the work they are doing.
Don’t burn yourself out by over-using a strength that drains you. Just as they say at flight take-off – first secure your own oxygen mask, before helping other people. It’s the quality of nurturing that counts – so invest your energy judiciously where it will do most good, pace yourself, and take time to re-energise.