I’m shy, how do I shine?

Posted by Sarah Hobbs

If you are naturally shy, are you doomed to be overlooked in your career, compared to confident self-publicists? Not necessarily. Successful, sustained long-term career success usually involves two elements. Firstly, you need to have a huge amount of substance – e.g. achievements based on what you have delivered, a high work ethic, successful innovation, knowledge etc. Secondly, you need a little bit of style so that others see who you are and what you have done.

Shy people are regularly the most hard-working, efficient and effective people in the organisation. They merely find it more challenging to be able to develop new relationships and to showcase their successes. So what practical steps can be taken to help me to shine, even though I’m shy?

1. Think about whether there are situations where your shyness is less of an issue for you. I’ve worked with many senior managers who are shy. The key was that they realised very quickly that their shyness applied less where the interaction with someone was face-to-face on a one-to-one basis. So they did whatever they could to engineer situations where they were comfortable and could shine. Are you more comfortable influencing upwards when you have a relationship with the person? How could you build a relationship? Try shadowing them, working on projects with them – even if it is just reporting plans for the Christmas party!
   
   
2. Build the right reputation – many people misunderstand shyness. They don’t realise that shy people are often some of the most thoughtful, considered, determined and hard working people around. Let your work show that these things are true. Some of the most successful people who are shy get known for the quality of what they produce because it gets done consistently and to a high standard. This leads to a very positive reputation. Our research shows that a third of people find new jobs by people hearing about their reputation. Ensure you put your name on the report or presentation, and be involved in presentations – even if it is just answering questions. Try doing paper presentations – where the slides are in paper form, and form the spine of a discussion that happens around the table – less scary!
   
   
3. Help people realise that you will still do what needs to be done – shy doesn’t mean that you won’t push yourself out of your comfort zone. Whether it is making a difficult phone call, organising a large group of people, undertaking a meet and greet, the reality is that you will do it. You might hate it and be relieved when it’s over. You might not automatically volunteer for it. But if it needs to be done and the outcome is important enough, you will put yourself through the situation and you will get the result that is needed. Make sure that people around you see that determination.
   
   
4. Prepare for awkward social situations – even people who are not shy can find it hard to grapple with social situations. I worked with someone who found social situations really difficult. As a senior manager, the expectation was that they would influence people at staff parties, even though they were shy and uncomfortable. Eventually they got really good at it because they worked out half a dozen conversation starters they could ask and just worked their way through them to great effect. People will often be very happy to endlessly talk about themselves if you ask them some interesting questions. Moreover they will think you are a great conversationalist! The other thing you can do is to talk about the things that really interest you. Whether it is your house, your animals or your hobbies, you will sound more passionate when you talk about something that is really important to you. Succeeding here will increase your influence and further build your reputation.
   
   
5. Control the conversation – a great place for people to hear about your achievements is in meetings or telephone calls. For many meetings, you will know the content and issues well so will make contributions as needed. Think about one thing that you have accomplished recently. For example, delivering a project – was it delivered on time, to budget, did you overcome some challenging issues? Make sure that just one thing you have done recently that you are proud of gets mentions in each meeting you have that week. You don’t have to boast! You can just express pleasure in a set of results, or a process you enjoyed. Invite others to share in your positive feelings of a positive contribution. The slow, gentle drip-feeding of your successes contributes hugely to the building of a great reputation.

Take away
Being shy doesn’t have to be a hindrance to your career. You can shine. You just need to learn to use it in your favour.