Mentoring Part 1 – What Is a Mentor?

Posted by Sarah Hobbs

Welcome back from the Christmas break – I hope that you enjoyed your time off work. To kick off the New Year we’re diving straight in with a three-part series on the often discussed subject of mentoring. And it makes sense that the best and most insightful place to begin is defining what we mean by a mentor.

David Clutterbuck defined it well when he said:

“Mentoring involves primarily listening with empathy, sharing experience (usually mutually), professional friendship, developing insight through reflection, being a sounding board, encouraging”

So let’s break that quote down, and understand what we mean by a mentor.

1. Someone who listens with empathy. Just like a coach, mentors first and foremost take the role of being a listener. As a mentor, the first thing that you’re trying to do is to really understand where your mentee is coming from. This means not just listening, but listening with empathy. A client I was talking to just before the Christmas break provided a great view on this – they made the point that mentoring is not about putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes (that’s a very tough thing to do), but that it’s about understanding what it must be like for them to walk in their own shoes – and to support them accordingly. Very importantly, it’s also about showing you are listening. The other person needs to know that you’ve understood their situation – and they won’t, if you go from question to question, without summarising, checking your understanding or referring back to their actual words. Mentoring is an opportunity to develop great listening skills!


2. Someone who shares their experience (usually mutually). Mentoring is not about having a soapbox to share your random thoughts. If you are mentoring someone, the most valuable element for them is hearing your stories and experiences – the times you faced similar situations to those facing your mentee, the mistakes you made, and what you learned – that will help them with the problem they are facing. And don’t forget, it’s a great chance for you to hear about how others approach things and (importantly) to hear about what else is going on in the organisation through the eyes of your mentee.


3. Someone who develops professional friendships. It’s this phrase that makes me love this quote – it captures the whole spirit of mentoring. Mentoring is not a transactional relationship purely about offering support – the best mentoring happens where mutual respect and friendship, even if just professionally, grows from the relationship.


4. Someone who offers insight and support to reflect. Some of the greatest insights we get come from reflection, but many people don’t reflect because they can’t or don’t know how to do it – often because they haven’t found what works for them. Personally if I talk to somebody about something I’ve done or achieved, or a problem I’m trying to solve, I’ll usually have the answer in minutes. Whereas if I’d spent hours thinking about it I would never have reached that conclusion. Helping people in this way is a real gift.


5. Someone who’s a sounding board. Often it’s hard for us to judge whether we’ve interpreted something wrongly, or whether the things we think of doing are a good idea or not. If you want to make a bold move, it’s often useful to run it past someone experienced for a sense check (that advice can be invaluable!) My colleague, Anne Hamill, uses a great analogy to describe this process of testing your judgement before acting, to hone your judgment. When doctors get trained in accident and emergency departments, they work alongside a senior doctor. As patients come in with urgent needs for treatment, the senior doctor routinely asks the junior doctor to suggest a diagnosis and course of treatment based on the evidence. This acts as a safety net – the senior doctor will OK the treatment, or tell them why that might kill the patient!


6. Someone who encourages. We all need this sometimes – organisational life can be really, really tough. Being able to encourage someone, praise their successes, and build their confidence in their abilities is important. Keeping your mentee focused and happy is a great thing to be able to do.

I don’t know if you mentor at the moment or if you would like to do it, but it’s a great way to help other people as well as developing your own skills, and seeing the organisation from another point of view. Showing someone that you care about them and that you will support them in developing their career often means a lifelong professional friendship that will enrich both of your working lives.