Managing the Dark Side – Dependability

Posted by Amanda Whiteford

There are many moving films covering the price of duty – Remains of the Day and Testament of Youth to name but two. Dependable people see the value of duty and working for the common good. Under stress, however, some people may crack. As their manager, here’s how you can help them.

Does your team include someone who is a dependable team player, dutiful in meeting their responsibilities, happy and willing to support others, and who enjoys creating a harmonious atmosphere? They will seek to find consensus when arguments arise and will enjoy collaborative working. Failing this, compromise will be more acceptable than competitiveness – they hate win/lose tensions.

Dependable people usually make a good impression on others as they are friendly and amenable. Under pressure they are likely to seek support and back up from others sympathetic to their cause. They will work hard to build relationships based on mutual trust.

These people are good in roles requiring diplomacy and tact, for example the interface between a building project and the local community, or customer service roles.

How can this strength may become a weakness? The key to this question is to understand that dependable people thrive when there are high levels of mutual support – and when this vanishes they experience extreme stress. For example, if difficult decisions need to be made in the moment – when there is little or no time to collaborate and gain support for their ideas or decisions. Or where they need to decide against the wishes of a senior colleague (as respect for hierarchy is important to them).

Dependable people can easily be taken advantage of or dominated by other less scrupulous characters. If managers themselves, they may be poor at backing up their team members when the going gets tough – because they ‘see every side’ and want to support everyone. This can lead to a lack of respect developing within their peer group.

The key to effectively supporting people whose dependability may actually be damaging their career prospects is to focus on defining core values and then building their confidence in championing those values. Values are useful because they are an external reference point – it is not just me saying ‘No’ but me representing agreed group values. Coaching based on actual incidents and situations is probably the best approach. Help them:

1. Explore key values – this can be linked to company values, and think through how what those values mean to them personally, and how they would show in the work of the team. What are they prepared to make a stand for? Explore scenarios that are similar to those they experience. Talk though – what would happen if they had to make a stand against the wishes of someone else? What are the benefits of doing so? Being mentally prepared can really help!


2. What are their internal signals that mean they should take a stand? Often it is gut feeling, when they feel angry or bad about what is happening. If they become aware earlier that there is a values point they want to challenge, they have more time to make a thoughtful decision, rather than cave in.


3. How to say ‘No’ so that they do not overcommit or endorse a practice that goes against their values. And how not to say ‘Yes’. Often just summarising the other person’s point of view rather than agreeing with them can help; or saying they need to think through the request before agreeing to it. These tactics give them the time to think and take a stronger stand.


4. Help them to see that disagreements can actually produce better solutions to problems and enhance creative thinking. Encourage them to challenge others, and reward them when they do. Positive challenging can become a key value!


5. Raise their eyes to the bigger picture. To be truly dependable, their values and beliefs must be clear to others; they need to be respected rather than liked; and they need the reputation that they will stand firm and support colleagues/subordinates in difficult situations.

Supporting them, when the next opportunity arises, to practice these skills through debriefing conversations will really help. Bullies especially like to take advantage of dependable people. I must confess this one is my ‘dark side’ but one I have under control. I once ‘lost it’ with a senior manager over sexist comments in a trading room – and boy did my stock rise! As the MD said to me the following day “Feels good, doesn’t it?” (and yes, he regularly let people know exactly what he thought!)

TAKE AWAY
Remember that your dependable team workers are driven by values. If they can develop the confidence to challenge and push back they will start to see how this generates good results. This will both enhance their performance and their career prospects – and will enhance your own coaching and mentoring skills in the process.

We hope you have enjoyed this series on Managing the Dark Side. If you would like to know more about career derailers, talk to Talent and Potential – about both this series and the Hogan Development Survey psychometric, which can be used for both recruitment, promotion and development.