10 ways to grow your Emotional Intelligence

Posted by Sarah Hobbs

Alongside self-awareness, which we explored last time, emotional intelligence adds a huge amount to career success. Being in control of your emotions allows you to choose how to react in the situations you face, rather than reacting based on your natural inclination. And knowing how to respond when someone sends you another irritating email or tries to goad you during a tense meeting, is at the core of being seen as a professional.

So what can you do to grow your emotional intelligence? Here are some very quick tips!

1. Block yourself from acting – particularly when somebody is behaving negatively, avoid responding immediately. Think before you act is good advice! Make a habit of spotting when you’re tempted to angry action – and do nothing. Maybe you can say ‘I’ll give it some thought’, ask a question, or leave an email until later.


2. Be open to other people’s view before forming your own – realise in any situation there are multiple answers and your view may be just one of many. Listening to a collection of views and then investing emotionally in one is a much more sensible approach.


3. Learn to stay calm. There is always light at the end of a tunnel – even if you can’t see it right now. Sometimes we give into despair, or get frustrated because we can’t see the way out – but one way or another it will come.


4. Think about your language. Sometimes it’s better not to constantly say “you are” “you should” and “you need to”. Instead, find ways of softening your language to allow other people to make choices for themselves.


5. Empathise. Take time to try and understand where somebody else is coming from; this makes a big difference in helping you to listen and to respond to what they’re saying.


6. Don’t turn a problem into a drama. Accept that things do go wrong and that you will come through it in time. As a case in point, Abraham Lincoln lost 8 elections, failed twice in business and had a nervous breakdown before he became the President of the United States! How many of the things you agonised over last year do you even remember now?


7. Know what recharges your batteries. What activities make you feel peaceful and grounded? Running, gardening, cooking? Who are the people who make you laugh, who make you feel good about yourself, who get you to see things in perspective? At stressful and busy times it’s easy to feel tired and cut out these activities and people in order to cope. Instead, run towards them. They’ll keep you in peak condition to face the strain and make good decisions.


8. Notice your emotions. How are you feeling today? If you’re feeling angry and frustrated that’s likely how you’re coming across in most situations. Before you engage, decide if you’re in the best space to be dealing with that particular situation.


9. Take responsibility for your own behaviour. Sometimes it’s easy to blame other people for our response. But in reality, getting angry is your choice. As is sending a really snotty email in response to one you didn’t like! Be aware that they will show it to LOTS of people – and it will be your reputation that suffers.


10. Listen carefully to others. What is the person you’re speaking to trying to say to you? Sometimes our communication skills are less than perfect, don’t get hung up on the words – always seek the meaning behind them.

TAKE AWAY
At its core, emotional intelligence is about taking control of, and responsibility for, how you respond. And the better you get at it, the further your career will go.