You want to influence me? Then listen up!
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Are you good at listening to others? Most of us would say yes in the same way most of us think we are good drivers – in reality many of us lack this skill and miss a trick when it comes to developing our ability to influence. So, listen up…!
Let’s start by recapping what good listening entails:
Why are listening skills so important?
How can I create opportunities to practise?
There are lots of influencing courses, tools and techniques, but listening to others comes first. If you know you are poor at this – remember the basics and find opportunities to practise. This way you’ll build your ability to influence others when needed, build support for projects when you need it, and develop a reputation as someone worth cultivating in turn.
Let’s start by recapping what good listening entails:
- Face the speaker, make eye contact, focus on them as they speak and notice their body language – how congruent is it with the words they are using? If talking by phone pay special attention to their tone of voice
- Be attentive and relax – listening to others requires you to do just that. There’s no need to think about what you are going to say, or search for a witty remark. They are centre stage and you are there to listen. Nod occasionally and acknowledge what they are saying so they know they’ve been heard
- Use open questions to encourage them and to develop your understanding of the situation, clarify where necessary
- Keep an open mind about what they are saying – don’t rush to judge, just use this as an opportunity to really understand what’s happening to them and how they feel about it
- As they speak, let their words build a picture for you, empathise, put yourself in their shoes – how would you feel in the same situation?
- Don’t interrupt – let them talk and say what they need to say
- Don’t assume you understand or second-guess what they might be going to say. Summarise what you’ve heard to check your understanding, paraphrasing where appropriate
- Hold the silence – the more talkative we are the more difficult this is, but many people need the space silence provides to develop their thinking before they are ready to continue
- If you disagree, or if you need to disagree, hold this until the end when you are sure you understand what’s been said and know what it is you disagree with and why
Why are listening skills so important?
- It’s a great tool. It means we learn far more about problems, issues, and challenges we and others face in business day to day
- We build better solutions as a result as we start by understanding the causes rather than the symptoms
- Listening helps us build better relationships with colleagues, customers and suppliers
- It’s also fundamental to building our influencing skills as we need to understand others before we can expect others to understand us
- Listening is also key to developing great stakeholder management skills
How can I create opportunities to practise?
- If you already lead others, use opportunities to listen when discussing your team’s workload or during appraisal or development conversations
- Get involved in projects where you are not the expert – listen carefully to others, ask the ‘daft’ questions (which rarely are), ask others to contribute to the discussion and take the opportunity to take notes or minutes so you can check your understanding and grasp of the issue
- Chair a meeting or manage a debate ensuring different views are heard and understood by others
- Use social events to get to know your colleagues or business partners better – focus on their lives and opinions rather than your own
There are lots of influencing courses, tools and techniques, but listening to others comes first. If you know you are poor at this – remember the basics and find opportunities to practise. This way you’ll build your ability to influence others when needed, build support for projects when you need it, and develop a reputation as someone worth cultivating in turn.