7 Things Successful People Don’t Say

Posted by Anne Hamill

Have you ever noticed that successful people talk differently than less successful people? Research shows that words you use condition your thinking. By changing the way you speak, you can change the way you think!

1. “This is probably a stupid question…” Saying this is essentially flagging up a lack of confidence before you even started to make your point. In reality, I find that these ‘stupid questions’ are usually addressing essential and key points – and often others around the table breathe a sigh of relief as they’ve been wondering about this too, but haven’t had the nerve to ask. Who are the people who ask the most ‘stupid questions’? Directors! Only they say: “Can I ask a fundamental question?” – and they’ve been asking these all their lives, which is why they are now Directors.


2. “But” The word ‘But’ is an objection, a barrier, a pushback, and tends to annoy people, especially if it is repeatedly the first word in a conversation where you are arguing against a point of view. ‘But’ also has the effect of negating everything you say prior to the word ‘but’. As in “You’re terrific with our customers and they really warm to you but you need to develop your commercial understanding in negotiating good deals.” How much would you dwell on your customer skills, if you were given this feedback? ‘But’ can nearly always be replaced with ‘and’. “You’re terrific with our customers and they really warm to you, and once you’ve develop your commercial understanding you’ll be able to negotiate really good deals.” As an experiment, this week try replacing ‘but’ with ‘and’. How does this make you better at persuasion?


3. “I’ll try to” Try means you’re afraid to commit, and are hedging your bets. Compare “I’ll try to get it done by Friday” with “I’ll get it done by Friday”, or “Let me look at my diary and confirm when it will be done”. Try means it is okay not to do it – and people know this. You either do it or you don’t. Don’t try. Just do it.


4. “Quite” Quite is a ‘qualifier’ word, and makes you look uncertain. “I’m quite good at…” “I’m quite keen to…” Get definite and enthusiastic! Other qualifiers are ‘it seems to be/people seem to want’ ‘I think it’s…’ ‘probably/possibly’. The best example I ever heard was “People seem to think I might be quite good at…”!


5. “You probably don’t have time for this” This won’t get you the time and attention you need. Instead always tell people what you want to talk about, and ask “Have you got 5 minutes now, or shall I set up an appointment?” Always ask for the amount of time you really need, and don’t go over this limit unless they give you permission to do so.


6. “I was just going to say that!” You either did say it or you did not. This looks like glory grabbing. Instead, comment that it’s a great idea, and build on it.


7. “I hope to…” Compare this with “I plan to…” Take responsibility for your own success. Of course you may get knockbacks or setbacks; if that happens you can be direct about the obstacles and how you plan to move forward. Don’t create doubt before you even start!

TAKEAWAY
How you talk can build or undermine your reputation. It’s not about being arrogant. You can make strong positive statements and plans, and balance these with strong and sincere apologies when these are needed. Just avoid the wishy-washy greyness of “It seems quite interesting. I’ll try to look at it, but you probably don’t have time for this stupid question…”