Someone I work with is talking me down
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Suspecting a colleague is being less than supportive behind your back is a very unpleasant feeling, especially if you can’t be sure of their actions or motives. Here are a few ideas about how you might deal with such a situation.
Be sure the issue is real.
What has led to your suspicions? Is it a change in atmosphere or the way some colleagues or managers behave towards you? If so, talk to them individually in a calm, non-confrontational way about your observations and ask whether you’ve done or said anything to upset them. Their reaction will either allay your concerns or confirm them. If the issue is real it can at least be addressed.
What if someone is indeed talking you down but colleagues aren’t being influenced by it. Why would anyone do such a thing? Well, jealousy, spite or resentfulness over perceived slights maybe some of the reasons. Inevitably, we will meet some conflicted characters at work from time to time with deep, dark issues of their own. Keeping your distance, not letting them upset you is the best approach – though rarely easy. Move on when you can, leaving them behind. Their behaviour says far more about them than you, and sensible colleagues will realise that.
Have you done something to deserve the criticism?
If you’ve made a mistake apologise sincerely, do what you can to rectify the mistake and ensure in future you work or react differently demonstrating you’ve learned your lesson. If some weakness has been exposed consider what you can do to either manage this better, take a crash course to overcome your knowledge gap or ultimately consider if you are in fact in the wrong role. It’s easy to under-estimate what skills some jobs really require. If you’ve made this mistake, acknowledge it and look to move on to a role more suited to your talents.
Is your confidence draining away?
Take stock of the situation:
It’s easy when we are constantly busy to eat lunch at our desks, never take a coffee break and so on. Healthy selfishness is essential! Taking a break, getting some fresh air, talking to others, being interested in their world, is a great way to re-energise and switch off. Subsequently, when we return to work we often find our thinking has shifted a little, our perspective is just that bit healthier.
Is what you are experiencing all too typical of the culture you are working in?
Sadly, some teams are rife with backbiting. If this is true of your team consider if it’s worth staying. It could be that the experience you are gaining overall makes it worth the cost – in the short-term. If not, look elsewhere. Working in a culture where we can thrive is one of the most important considerations in our working lives. If you can change the culture great! If it’s going to change you – move to a new team with a healthier approach.
TAKE AWAY
Working with others we believe are talking us down is demotivating and draining. Rather than brood on this, consider each of the points above. One of them may well hold the answer to the situation and help you snatch victory from the jaws of defeat!
Be sure the issue is real.
What has led to your suspicions? Is it a change in atmosphere or the way some colleagues or managers behave towards you? If so, talk to them individually in a calm, non-confrontational way about your observations and ask whether you’ve done or said anything to upset them. Their reaction will either allay your concerns or confirm them. If the issue is real it can at least be addressed.
What if someone is indeed talking you down but colleagues aren’t being influenced by it. Why would anyone do such a thing? Well, jealousy, spite or resentfulness over perceived slights maybe some of the reasons. Inevitably, we will meet some conflicted characters at work from time to time with deep, dark issues of their own. Keeping your distance, not letting them upset you is the best approach – though rarely easy. Move on when you can, leaving them behind. Their behaviour says far more about them than you, and sensible colleagues will realise that.
Have you done something to deserve the criticism?
If you’ve made a mistake apologise sincerely, do what you can to rectify the mistake and ensure in future you work or react differently demonstrating you’ve learned your lesson. If some weakness has been exposed consider what you can do to either manage this better, take a crash course to overcome your knowledge gap or ultimately consider if you are in fact in the wrong role. It’s easy to under-estimate what skills some jobs really require. If you’ve made this mistake, acknowledge it and look to move on to a role more suited to your talents.
Is your confidence draining away?
Take stock of the situation:
- What are your strengths at work – what do you excel at and what energises you? Where else in the organisation could you deploy these strengths and re-energise yourself at the same time?
- Do others know what you contribute? Make sure they do by telling people about your achievements. There are lots of ways to drip feed news about what you are working on, achieving and enjoying. Whenever someone asks ‘How’s it going?’ or ‘How are you?’ take the opportunity to tell them, keeping your answers short and sweet. Practise, you’ll be amazed at what you can say in 20 seconds!
It’s easy when we are constantly busy to eat lunch at our desks, never take a coffee break and so on. Healthy selfishness is essential! Taking a break, getting some fresh air, talking to others, being interested in their world, is a great way to re-energise and switch off. Subsequently, when we return to work we often find our thinking has shifted a little, our perspective is just that bit healthier.
Is what you are experiencing all too typical of the culture you are working in?
Sadly, some teams are rife with backbiting. If this is true of your team consider if it’s worth staying. It could be that the experience you are gaining overall makes it worth the cost – in the short-term. If not, look elsewhere. Working in a culture where we can thrive is one of the most important considerations in our working lives. If you can change the culture great! If it’s going to change you – move to a new team with a healthier approach.
TAKE AWAY
Working with others we believe are talking us down is demotivating and draining. Rather than brood on this, consider each of the points above. One of them may well hold the answer to the situation and help you snatch victory from the jaws of defeat!