The Attitude of Gratitude!
Posted by
Never under-estimate the power of a ‘thank you’ or a ‘good morning’ for that matter. We all need to be acknowledged, whether that’s for our deeds or our very existence, yet too many people forget the power of social interaction when building relationships. Don’t just take my word for it, consider the following
:
How much does a thank you matter to you? You may be one of those people that is so self-driven you need little public acknowledgement or praise, but many people need that thank you to feel their efforts are worthwhile, to remain motivated and believe that they are a valued member of the team. Do you say thank you often enough? It doesn’t have to be effusive – it does need to be sincere and will reward you, in turn, the next time you need someone to do something extra for you.
What about more formal thank you letters or emails? The same rule applies and is now underpinned by research from authors, Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley. Hundreds of people were recruited for their study and asked to write a letter of thanks to someone who had touched their lives in a meaningful way outlining what they had done and why it had had such a positive impact on their life. The senders were consistently surprised by the reactions of the recipients, how positive it made them feel and the lasting image of a warm and competent person it created of the sender in their minds!
This, in turn, taps into the psychology around reciprocity – again research shows that we are far more likely to return favours or do something extra for someone who’s done something for us. In fact, it’s so powerful a human response that this research largely underpins the strict rules now in place around workplace gifts and hospitality – too many people were using gifts to gain access to procurement shortlists! But the key concept is sound, if you do something for me it will be much harder for me to refuse to do something for you – a cornerstone of value-driven networks of mutual benefit – and this behaviour and response applies across all cultures. It builds our ability to influence others, not control them.
Do you say ‘good morning’ to colleagues or just enter the room, sit down and plough on with work? And why shouldn’t you? You’re focused, driven and productive and have little interest in office chit-chat about last night’s box-set viewing. Yet acknowledging other people’s presence sends out a positive signal, a psychological ‘stroke’ which is needed if we want to engage people to support or help us when problems arise. Too often I’ve run management training programmes to learn the participants biggest issue with their boss is the lack of social engagement ‘he/she doesn’t even bother to say good morning!’ Their pain is palpable ‘It’s like I don’t even exist!’ So, remember to say hello and smile – it costs nothing, and the payback can be huge.
Do you acknowledge others progress or success with a ‘well done’ or a similar phrase? You may be a colleague rather than the boss but again recognising other people’s achievements will enhance your relationships and build a greater sense of goodwill.
TAKE AWAY
Whether you aspire to leadership or simply want to be the best in your field, don’t under-estimate the power of social interaction, of engaging in social chit-chat and the value of the smallest things like ‘thank you’ ‘please’ ‘good morning’ and ‘well done’. People like to be noticed, to feel their efforts are seen and worthwhile and your kindness, unbidden, will be helpful when you need to ask for help yourself.
For further reading on the reserach mentioned above, please visit Psychology Today and Sage Publishing
How much does a thank you matter to you? You may be one of those people that is so self-driven you need little public acknowledgement or praise, but many people need that thank you to feel their efforts are worthwhile, to remain motivated and believe that they are a valued member of the team. Do you say thank you often enough? It doesn’t have to be effusive – it does need to be sincere and will reward you, in turn, the next time you need someone to do something extra for you.
What about more formal thank you letters or emails? The same rule applies and is now underpinned by research from authors, Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley. Hundreds of people were recruited for their study and asked to write a letter of thanks to someone who had touched their lives in a meaningful way outlining what they had done and why it had had such a positive impact on their life. The senders were consistently surprised by the reactions of the recipients, how positive it made them feel and the lasting image of a warm and competent person it created of the sender in their minds!
This, in turn, taps into the psychology around reciprocity – again research shows that we are far more likely to return favours or do something extra for someone who’s done something for us. In fact, it’s so powerful a human response that this research largely underpins the strict rules now in place around workplace gifts and hospitality – too many people were using gifts to gain access to procurement shortlists! But the key concept is sound, if you do something for me it will be much harder for me to refuse to do something for you – a cornerstone of value-driven networks of mutual benefit – and this behaviour and response applies across all cultures. It builds our ability to influence others, not control them.
Do you say ‘good morning’ to colleagues or just enter the room, sit down and plough on with work? And why shouldn’t you? You’re focused, driven and productive and have little interest in office chit-chat about last night’s box-set viewing. Yet acknowledging other people’s presence sends out a positive signal, a psychological ‘stroke’ which is needed if we want to engage people to support or help us when problems arise. Too often I’ve run management training programmes to learn the participants biggest issue with their boss is the lack of social engagement ‘he/she doesn’t even bother to say good morning!’ Their pain is palpable ‘It’s like I don’t even exist!’ So, remember to say hello and smile – it costs nothing, and the payback can be huge.
Do you acknowledge others progress or success with a ‘well done’ or a similar phrase? You may be a colleague rather than the boss but again recognising other people’s achievements will enhance your relationships and build a greater sense of goodwill.
TAKE AWAY
Whether you aspire to leadership or simply want to be the best in your field, don’t under-estimate the power of social interaction, of engaging in social chit-chat and the value of the smallest things like ‘thank you’ ‘please’ ‘good morning’ and ‘well done’. People like to be noticed, to feel their efforts are seen and worthwhile and your kindness, unbidden, will be helpful when you need to ask for help yourself.
For further reading on the reserach mentioned above, please visit Psychology Today and Sage Publishing