How to get the best from a mentor

Posted by Sarah Hobbs

We’ve previously discussed how to choose a good mentor and the types of mentors you might want to find. This week we’re going to focus on how to get the best out of the mentoring relationship.

1. Plan for success. When you’re setting up a new mentoring relationship it’s important to spend time getting clear on exactly what you’ll find most valuable. Consider what you’re hoping to get out of the relationship, the issues you want to discuss, the specific help you need right now, and the logistics of meetings.


2. Prepare for the first meeting. Your mentor is likely to be more senior or more expert than you, and they are being generous in helping you despite a heavy workload. Turning up without preparation will not make a good first impression. You need to make sure the first meeting really counts. And make sure that it’s not only you who are mentally prepared, share an agenda with your mentor a day or so before you meet.


3. Prepare your own solutions. The best mentor relationships are those where you develop new insights and develop your judgment in a new situation. To develop your judgment, it’s very important to get engaged in reviewing and working on the problem, before asking for additional insights. You need to think through a topic, prepare your own view of what needs to be done – and then get feedback. What have you thought of that is a great idea? What action you’ve thought of is inadvisable, and why? What new ideas and actions can the mentor suggest, that present a new angle on the issue? Only by fully engaging in solving the problem first, can you appreciate these new insights and graft them into your thinking. If you just present a situation and ask “What’s the answer?” you’ll appear dependent and unengaged in learning – as if you expect others to do the thinking for you – and you’ll learn far less rapidly!


4. Follow their advice. In the meeting itself you should listen, take notes and summarise. Then go and do what’s agreed. For example, if they email an introduction to someone who they think you should have in your network, make sure that you follow it up quickly. Whatever the action they suggest, your mentor will get frustrated if they have to repeat the advice because you haven’t acted on it. Even if you are not sure they are correct, be prepared to experiment with something that is out of your comfort zone – and give it a full and fair chance to succeed. If you find yourself repeatedly not taking your mentor’s advice you really have to question whether this is the right mentor for you, or whether you are being ‘difficult’ and inclined to think you know best. You can find out if the latter is the case by asking others for feedback!


5. Give back to your mentor. There is nothing more discouraging for a mentor than feeling you have invested time without any indication that this is having good results. How can you give back? A simple express of appreciation helps, as can a summary of what you’ve learned and will try out. You can mention to others how helpful the relationship is – and you can talk about this to people when the mentor is there to hear it. Maybe you can help your mentor’s team by inviting them to your area. Or you might pass on an article or cutting that you know they would be interested in. The biggest buzz that a mentor gets, however, is usually when a mentee talks about how they’ve used the advice and the great results they’ve had. Proof that mentoring is productive!


6. Don’t be defensive. The point of a mentor is to challenge you – they will likely hold different views to you on a range of subjects. After all, this is why you’ve chosen them as a mentor – because they know more than you. If you constantly get defensive and fight them when they’re making points, the mentor will start to question the merit of the relationship. Your job is to make it easy for them to mentor you, not to make it so difficult that they don’t want to come along to the meetings. If they say something that is difficult for you to hear, make a point of summarising it back to them, so that they know that you’ve heard. Ensure that mentoring is enjoyable too, pastries or special coffee can go a long way – and is never more important that when you know you have to dissect a problem or mistake!


7. Trust them with the truth. This is why choosing your mentor is so important. The strength of a mentoring relationship lies in your willingness to open up honestly about the issue that you’re facing. For example, you might want to discuss aspects of work where you are struggling. If you don’t trust them with your fears and concerns, you can’t be fully open – and you’ll create a superficial, unhelpful relationship.


8. Have more than one mentor. One view is really useful, but often one mentor will not cover all of the issues that you want to address in depth. It’s why people like Andy Murray have multiple coaches – they’re all helping address different issues in different ways. And don’t forget, different mentors can support you at different times, over different periods and with different frequencies. Some mentors you make time to talk to weekly, others you may meet once a year or just as you need them (remember to keep these relationship alive through purely social contact). Don’t rely on one ‘Yoda’. Make sure you have a great range of advisers on your team, who can help you at the moment you need them!

TAKE AWAY
Once you’ve done the hard work of finding a mentor to support you, don’t stop there – put in the hard work to make sure you get the best from the opportunity.